Biblical heroes or biblical failures?

I've been thinking about the Bible. I tend to do that. 

I've been thinking about the heroes of the Bible. I define heroes as the ones who are mentioned repeatedly in the children's Sunday lessons. When my kids get to grown-up church, they will learn how much those heroes sucked. This is partly why we are reading through the Bible as a family. They need to know there is only one hero. 

God. 

God is the one who constantly has to swoop in and rescue these losers. That's the thing. He always does. What makes God the hero is his grace and mercy. 

Our best efforts to please him are no more than fingerpaintings he hangs on his fridge. We tend to run out of his house and jump in the mud and get covered in poison ivy and ticks and end up getting stuck in a thorn bush, and he is the one who is right there as soon as we cry for help. He brings us inside and cleans us up and washes us and heals us and puts band aids on us and kisses our boo-boos and puts new clothes on us. Most of us get new diapers as well because we are delayed in potty training. 

We don't tire of soiling ourselves. But the good news is that he doesn't tire of cleaning us. 

Compared to dying a death by torture so that he might adopt us, wiping dirty asses and washing dirty faces is his pleasure. It's something he's been doing for thousands of years and he's kept scrapbooks about it, 66 of them are in the Bible. The rest are waiting to be read in heaven.