Holy Spirit in college

As i grew in grace and out of legalism i relaxed in my formalism in praise. a campus gropu doesn't usually have hymnals and organs. in fact the campus praise in song leaders sounded alot like my youth group's band. but where i grew up, the youth's band style was abandoned in big church. i also found out some churches also had bands in their big church. this worship was emotional and physical. don't get me wrong, the hymn "and can it be" brings tears to my eyes. and i love belting it out. but i found freedom in college to include in my praise clapping (just like camp and youth group) and kneeling and hand raising and unashamed out of key singing. i also encountered in my trans-denominational college church charismatics. and then i ended up at a vineyard my senior year.

but there's a cautionary note at this point of the story. i returned to campus and the group had fallen under the spell of someone off campus who offered many answers. and instead of pointing people to the leading of the Holy Spirit he pointed to himself and his systems and structures and guidance. he not only considered himself a shepherd in the kingdom but also a general. one night's fellowship consisted of watching a movie together. i think it was a John Wayne movie, it was a WW2 movie, perhaps the Sands of Iwo Jima. he kept pointing out to us how the church needs to be like an army unit with unfailing commitment to their commander, specifically him, not Jesus. i had already tried to confront him on the legalism i was perceiving but had gotten nowhere, plus all my friends were in this group happily. they thought i was nuts to think the emperor didn't have clothes on. at the end of the movie we ate snacks that everyone brought. and the last straw fell for me. he casually complimented the group on bringing so many tasty things as he had been in another group that never brought food that he liked. i concluded this guy really believes its all about him. he considers himself our intermediary between us and God. my stomach knotted up. i loved grace so much i knew i couldn't be a part anymore. so i stopped attending. i stayed in touch with all my friends but refused to join them at his house.

it was at this point i decided to stop resisting the desire to date unbelievers. and i dove into that. and i distanced myself from God, though, as i later found out, he never distanced himself from me. but i almost traded in the Holy Spirit for a man. i wanted to be with my friends, but i couldn't drink the kool-aid. i knew in that legalistic mindset my unbelieving girlfriend would put emotional/spiritual distance between them and me. my problem no longer was the need to come back to group, i needed to lose the girlfriend first. in hindsight, i'm definitely a dummy. but God used that whole experience to demonstrate his grace to me and prepare me for some heavy encounters with other intervarsity leaders who embraced the heavy shepherding model. it shipwrecked some people's faith. they couldn't perform. they gave up. i recommend my friend anton's site to learn more, especially if you think Jesus' yoke is awfully heavy. it's not. it's easy and light.

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