Book of Zelph

a Book of Mormon parody by an ex-Mormon(?). the point is, by what criteria can Mormons reject this but keep J. Smith's?

The Coming Forth of The Book of Zelph

While pondering certain passages in The History of the Church, Volume 2, Josh Anderson came upon a passage that mentioned a great white Lamanite warrior named Zelph. This seemingly insignificant event would lead him on a journey to Zelph's final resting place. It was there, in a grove of trees, that Josh would come across the greatest archeological find since Joseph Smith purchased Abraham's writings from Michael Chandler. Josh was led to a hand cart overflowing with metal plates, which were the Lamanite records. He translated the abridgment of these plates, given to him by Zelph, into the Book of Zelph. For the entire story of the coming forth of the Book of Zelph, read Josh Anderson's testimony here.
My enemies say The Book of Zelph sucks. They claim that any third grader could have written it, and that the mentality of the narrative is at the same level as mine. Well, I take that as a compliment because The Book of Zelph is an epic masterpiece. Do you really think an ignorant high school dropout like me could have written it? Others have accused me of plagiarism. I challenge all my enemies to prove the Book of Zelph is not true. The enemies of The Book of Zelph have challenged me to produce the leather plates from whence the Book of Zelph came. They say that if the Book of Zelph is true, I should be able to produce the original source material to be examines by experts. These people are so caught up in little nitpicky details like ancient leather plates that they fail to see the truthfulness on the pages of the actual translated Book of Zelph. Who cares about the leather plates? The important thing is the resulting translation, which we have in The Book of Zelph. Even members of my own family became impatient with me. During the translation process, my cousin, Travis would say hurtful things like, “Do you realize how gay you look with your face in that baseball cap?” He thought I should get a real job, as did many of my other relatives. Too bad for Travis, because I had other friends and relatives who believed in me and trusted that The Book of Zelph was true, and would be a big hit. Because these people believed in me, I allowed them to “see” the original leather plates. Those of you who doubt that I ever had an old leather Indian book can eat your hearts out by reading the statements of the four witnesses and nine witnesses. After reading these statements, you probably wish you believed in me so that you could have seen the leather plates too. Well, too bad for you. The witnesses are proof that the leather plates actually existed and if the leather plates are true, that means The Book of Zelph is true also. If you still don't believe the Book of Zelph is true, I challenge you to take the Book of Zelph Challenge. I bear you my testimony, and promise in the name of Zelph that the Book of Zelph is true.


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