automobile review: 1997 Crown Victoria
if you drove a car that only got 17 miles to the gallon you'd bicycle commute too! fortunately, my commute is only 5 miles, so that's 3 trips to work per gallon, or 3 gallons per week, but that isn't the only driving i need to do. so if i can eliminate driving 50 miles a week for work, like i did this week, then those 3 gallons and $10 can go towards other errands.
there i got that off my chest. my guilt is absolved.
i did buy it used, 3 or 4 years ago, for 6 grand. when i bought it i needed a car that could accommodate 2 car seats, a 3rd child, and my wife. did i mention i make a little rental income from the family who lives in the ginormous trunk? i'm ahead of any Prius owner as far as cash flow for at least a couple more years. it will get 25 mpg on the highway. it has 8 cylinders. the thing only has 100k miles on it and that monster engine could last another 200k.
this isn't my first Ford. after i graduated from UConn, my grandmother downsized and gave me her 1984 LTD. it was the economical luxury Ford with only 6 cylinders in a nice shade of brown ("nice" in a hog farmer's sense). it had a leaky oil pan which made it thirsty for oil but it was a great ride.
my current Ford comes in the lovely shade of Florida golfing retiree yellow. what can be bad about this monster ride? not much. the electrical system behaves unlike something of Japanese quality. the issue is mostly with the interior dome spot lights, the map reading kind. it's somewhat frustrating to have the promise of utility laughing at you and mocking you by not working except for once a year when the the distant star Betelgeuse aligns with Saturn during a solar storm. When that happens i panic and worry that they will light up while i'm sleeping and burn out the battery. hasn't happened yet.
not only is there abundant space and power and durability and invincibility (no wonder the cops buy these), but you scare people when you pull up behind them on the highway and they stick their tails between their legs and drive real slow around you. this car gives you authority until the other drivers figure out no state cop would drive a yellow Crown Vic. it is my regular experience to have a speeder pull up right next to me, give me a look over, then re-accelerate. the thing that most frustrates the timid speeders is that i drive the speed limit, unlike normal state cops. if i had the appropriate hat i could do more for gas conservation than blogging about it, because driving the speed limit saves gas and if no one will pass the ugly Crown Vic with a driver who wears the official looking hat and must be someone who can issue speeding tickets, the roads will be slower and safer.
based on all these advantages and the potential for saving the earth by reducing auto emissions by reducing traffic speed i recommend everyone get a Crown Vic.
there i got that off my chest. my guilt is absolved.
i did buy it used, 3 or 4 years ago, for 6 grand. when i bought it i needed a car that could accommodate 2 car seats, a 3rd child, and my wife. did i mention i make a little rental income from the family who lives in the ginormous trunk? i'm ahead of any Prius owner as far as cash flow for at least a couple more years. it will get 25 mpg on the highway. it has 8 cylinders. the thing only has 100k miles on it and that monster engine could last another 200k.
this isn't my first Ford. after i graduated from UConn, my grandmother downsized and gave me her 1984 LTD. it was the economical luxury Ford with only 6 cylinders in a nice shade of brown ("nice" in a hog farmer's sense). it had a leaky oil pan which made it thirsty for oil but it was a great ride.
my current Ford comes in the lovely shade of Florida golfing retiree yellow. what can be bad about this monster ride? not much. the electrical system behaves unlike something of Japanese quality. the issue is mostly with the interior dome spot lights, the map reading kind. it's somewhat frustrating to have the promise of utility laughing at you and mocking you by not working except for once a year when the the distant star Betelgeuse aligns with Saturn during a solar storm. When that happens i panic and worry that they will light up while i'm sleeping and burn out the battery. hasn't happened yet.
not only is there abundant space and power and durability and invincibility (no wonder the cops buy these), but you scare people when you pull up behind them on the highway and they stick their tails between their legs and drive real slow around you. this car gives you authority until the other drivers figure out no state cop would drive a yellow Crown Vic. it is my regular experience to have a speeder pull up right next to me, give me a look over, then re-accelerate. the thing that most frustrates the timid speeders is that i drive the speed limit, unlike normal state cops. if i had the appropriate hat i could do more for gas conservation than blogging about it, because driving the speed limit saves gas and if no one will pass the ugly Crown Vic with a driver who wears the official looking hat and must be someone who can issue speeding tickets, the roads will be slower and safer.
based on all these advantages and the potential for saving the earth by reducing auto emissions by reducing traffic speed i recommend everyone get a Crown Vic.
Comments
Crown Vic...now that's a CAR.
God is good
jpu